One of the few things that I was looking forward to this summer was the return of my favorite Guidos and Guidettes from last season's smash reality hit, Jersey Shore. Last season, I was one of those people that swore I was not going to watch that show and overheard some clips and had to see for myself...and then became hooked.
These people are crazy. Straight up loony bin material. And I effing love it. I can't believe I'm going to share this with you guys but well, for me, this is the kind of show that I can't watch on DVR. I have to watch it when it's showing to the world. LOL.
It's so bad, it's good and I don't feel bad about my enjoyment of the show because there is so many other people out there (*cough* Ames *cough* *cough*) that enjoy it right along with me so if I'm dumb than I can comfort myself knowing that at least, I'm not the only one.
Now, to properly showcase my love of these fine Guidos and Guidettes, I'm going to have to introduce all of the cast members of the show. So here we go.
Mike "The Situation": Mike is the self appointed Man of the House. Last season, he was the douchebag guy who brought home all of the grenades that beat up Snooki and he was also the guy that stole his boys girls when they went to the bathroom (poor Vinny) and he was also the guy that was running around with Sammi behind Ronnie's back. He did plenty of things that made me hate him, like his remarks to Snooki after she wanted some rolls? Ooh, I wanted to punch him in the face and when JWoww finally does punch him, I laughed my ass off. It was great.
Ugh, last season I hated Mike but this season, he's not so bad. This season, you can tell he's still thinking he's the shit but I'm used to it now so he doesn't bother me too much. Some of my favorite lines from him are:
Seriously, can you not see why I watch this show? Comedy, pure and simple.
"G.T.L. baby. Gym, Tanning, Laundry."
"You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off."
"Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal."
"Angelina was like a half-ass firecracker. It just fizzled out real quick and made a loud noise."
"I’m like chill out, Freckles McGee."
"Basically, one of these girls was definitely more cuter than the other and it happened to be my girl & Pauly D was with “the grenade.” When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you so that just in case a grenade gets thrown at you, one of your buddies takes it first. "
"I was thinkin’ heavy fire and I didn’t wear my bulletproof vest and I just don’t know if I’m gonna make it. "
Next up is Pauly D.
Pauly D is the most laid back person in the entire house, well him and Vinny. He doesn't need drama to have a good time. He's the Situation's wing man but he holds his own on the women end. Last season, he was my second favorite guy in the house. This season is no different. Last season, we watched as he laughed and danced his way all over Jersey Shore and then we watched as a girl he was digging, Danielle stalked the hell out of his life and one of my favorite moments from last season was when Pauly D got mad and cursed Danielle out on the duck phone. It was priceless. I loved it. Pauly D is really chill until you piss him off and then you're like WTF? Where did this Billy Bad Ass come from?
My favorite quotes from Pauly D are:
"Don’t let the spike hair fool you, like I’m not a bitch."I frickin love this kid. LOVE him!
"We’re beatin’-up-the-beat, that’s what we say when we’re doing our fist pump. First, we start off by banging the ground, we’re banging it as the beat builds ‘cause that beat’s hittin’ us so we’re fightin’ back, it’s like we beat up that beat."
"My hair didn't even move an inch and I was in & out of the water. My hair's windproof, waterproof, soccerproof, motocycleproof. I'm not sure if my hair's bulletproof, I'm not willin' to try that."
"It's so hard to find a good man these days. That's why I date women."
"Through the scuffle Snooks gets hit in the face, again. Poor girl… she needs to take some karate classes or somethin’. She needs self defense. Somebody’s got to teach her how to fight or duck."
The Situation: I like my clothes like my women.. options.
Pauly D: You like your girls like your underwear.. dirty.
"I just met this girl and she already stalks my whole life."
Next up is my favorite guy of the bunch, Vinny.
Vinny is the other laid back guy in the house. He doesn't surround himself with drama but sometimes, drama finds him....like when they were partying it up at the club and he's hooking up with some chick on the dance floor, goes to the bathroom and comes back to find The Situation hooking up with his girl or hooking up with another chick who just so happens to be the bosses girl, oh man was that funny and then there was the time when he hooked up with Mike's sister (The Situation), oh man Vinny sure did bring the laughs but it was his fist pump that had me laughing and it was in his confessionals that I laughed a great deal.
In short, Vinny is the bomb!
My favorite Vinny quotes:
"Guys with the blow-outs and the fake tans, and guys that wear lip-gloss and makeup, those aren't guidos, those are retards."
"I hear the music, I start fist-pumping, I start dancing, I’m pulling girls on stage and now.. Vinny came out to play."
(on G.T.L.) "I don’t follow those rules at all… I can see if it was Basketball, Pool, Beach."
(on JWOWW’s punch) "The power that was behind it, it was something outta a video game."
(on Mike's sister) "I'm think that she might have a crush on me, so [insert creepy eyebrow move] ... it's gonna be a wild night."
"Snooki’s outfit is crazy, she looks like a birthday cake, she’s all decorated, dressed up, with the pink, boobs all out up in her face, I guess she wants to go out with a big bang, literally."
Lastly, we have Ronnie.
I don't really care for Ronnie. So I don't have much to say on him. He got with Sam and they spent the whole of last season, arguing or beating people up and blah blah frickin' blah. That's Ron.
I don't even think I have a favorite quote from Ronnie because I cared for him, that much. I do however crack the hell up every time I see him dance. Such a creeper. And this season, on top of being a creeper, he's also a douche...a creepy douche, that's him.
Moving on to the girls...
First, there's Sammi. Don't care for her, all she did was cry and sneak around in the first season and though she's the prettiest girl in the house, she's also a creeper so I guess her and Ronnie deserve each other.
This season doesn't promise very much from Sammi other than she's pining over Ronnie since they're broken up and J Woww is going to kick her ass. Truth be told, I can't wait for that episode. Bring on the J Woww ass beatin'. Haha.
Next up, Angelina.
She's the self proclaimed, "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island" and that couldn't be further from the truth. Kim is pretty and Angelina does not have a pretty bone in her body. On top of that, she's this trashy whore bag who was bangin' a married guy last season and then had the nerve to be pissed off at Pauly D last night when he was making out with an AKA married chick (she's really dumb, she is), I think she meant the girl who FYI is a married chick but she said, "The girl who AKA a married chick" Dummy.
She's also the one that showed up last season to the house on the first day with her laundry in trash bags. So classy, huh? That's Angelina for you. Dumb and classy trash.
I'm scared to say anything mean about J Woww because she can kick my ass. The Situation has seen her at the gym and has been on the receiving end of one of her punches and it wasn't nice. So J Woww is all that's right in this world, haha.
Don't let her catch you calling her girl Snooki fat cause she was beat your ass. She punches hard. And if she asks you to walk her to the room, you better get off whatever girl you're with and take her because once you get inside that room when the night is over, you're done for. Just ask Mike, hahahahahahaha.
J Woww should be named Scrappy because she's forever kicking someone's ass, be it a girl or a guy. She just don't give a damn because she's gangsta. I love it!
Last up, is Snooki.
My frickin' favorite part of the entire show. Snooki is the business. I freaking love her. She makes no apologies for who and what she is. She tells it like it is and man can this girl not win a fight to save her life. She's probably the main reason, outside of Pauly D and Vinny, why I watch the show. I just have to see what Snooki will do next.
Last season, she was single and ready to mingle...with every living Juice Head Guido on the Jersey Shore. She struck out a lot of times but man was it funny to watch. When she met that Cowboy, I thought it was cute and was happy for her until she tripped and that ended but man, watching Snooki in action is pure comedy. Never a dull moment, that's for sure. She's just a tanned, pickle loving guidette who rocks!
My favorite Snooki quotes (there are plenty):
Oh goodness, this show freaking makes me laugh so much and last night's episode was the best I've seen yet. Between Angelina and Snooki going at it, Angelina and Pauly D going at it, The Situation saying, "That’s how she is .. a little bit of alcohol & throughout the night it gets worse & worse & worse, until voilà, Mrs. Cockblock of the Century comes out & that’s who she truly is." about Angelina last night, man it was a night that had me in fits of giggles for the entire night.
Caller: Can I talk to Angelina?
Snooki: NO! She died.
"I don’t go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning.. because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned."
"I am tanned; I like being tanned, BITCH!"
"When I woke up I was like what did I do last night? Like what did I do? I fucked up... story of my life."
"I was pissed off, like right when I fuckin' met a guy and I wanted to get his number and hang out with him we had to leave, just my luck."
"JWOWW f*ckin' beat a bitch up tonight. I tried to get in it but I couldn't."
"I'm fat [fake cries] I'm about to eat a sausage right now. F*CK YOU ALL!!! HAHA!"
(on her would be hook-up) "He friggin' jumped out of the car like it was on f*ckin' fire."
"I’m not trashy, unless I drink too much."
"I’m not pissed off that they put pickles under my bed as a joke, but I’m pissed off that Mike and Pauly wasted two pickles."
If you guys aren't watching this show, you're not laughing enough...trust me, my sides are still hurting from all the laughing I did last night.